{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27528227","dateCreated":"1285368633","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"helojello","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/helojello","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27528227"},"dateDigested":1531973808,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Rope","description":" You bet he was starved, it seemed that he was a tiger that hadn\u2019t eaten in three days and was ready to jump out at the smallest mention of supper. Here was the coffee that caused so much trouble. He waved it madly in front of her face, making sure she saw it and acknowledged the fact that he went all the way back to get that stupid coffee. She glanced at his other hand and frowned, making her look a bit ridiculous in her skinny frame. What could he be carrying if he went to get coffee? Well, it was that absurd piece of rope again. Seriously, again?! He stopped abruptly, almost tripping on his dust filled shoes. He really had meant to exchange it for something better, for something that they could actually make some of, and once again his memory had failed. She wanted to know why he would exchange the rope if it was something he really wanted and was looking forward to using. Wasn\u2019t the air sweet now, almost as if someone had sprayed some rose perfume into the warm summer night? Wasn\u2019t it fine to be here, in a night such as this one, with the nice weather and lovely scents? She walked next to him with one hand hooked into his leather belt, as if she never wanted to let go of him. She pulled and jostled him a little as he walked, trying to make the night even better, maybe she could make him smile a little, all while leaning against his tall skinny form. He put his arm lovingly around her, and patted her stomach. They exchanged alert smiles, waiting to see if they were going to start arguing yet again. It was starting to become a routine.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27608917","body":"Thanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285609381","smartDate":"Sep 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27487991","dateCreated":"1285305605","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"tammy_sev","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/tammy_sev","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1285868666\/tammy_sev-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27487991"},"dateDigested":1531973809,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Imagery: The man who was almost a man","description":"He woke up the next morning without any piece of thought in his mind rather than to get that cold black piece of metal they call gun. He slid his hand gently under his warm cozy pillow, the place where he last put it and gently analyzed it. As the sun slowly rose from the sky and the birds sang near his window, he held the concrete version of power up high, although not as tight as someone else would. He was the king of the world, with this piece of art in his hands; he was untouchable and couldn\u2019t be overpowered by anyone. He felt the adrenaline rush running through his veins; he knew what this thing could do. Just one push in that small cold trigger, and someone\u2019s brains could be scattered all over the place. The future of someone\u2019s life was in his hands, he could decide if someone out there leaved or died, no matter who it was, black or white. He could already imagine the smell of fear in other people. Just with the presence of the mighty gun people will respect him, praise his words, and admire his power. Every inch of it was full of all the pain it could cause, from its long barrel to its heavy handle. The gun was heavy, along with everything that it represented; his eyes followed it at every move and admired every bit of it.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27514501","body":"Thanks Tamara,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285350500","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27532665","body":"Tammy!!
\nthis is good stuff!! jaja. I know it's after the deadline, but I felt I had to comment on this. I really loved it, to be honest with you. Many people chose this scene, but each of them took a different approach of the situation, and I loved the one you took. You gave Dave all the power with the gun, but he had some fear, I feel, of what this gun could do. I specifically love the part where you wrote, "Every inch of it was full of all the pain it could cause, from its long barrel to its heavy handle. The gun was heavy, along with everything that it represented". Yet I feel you didn't emphasize that much what he was feeling inside, for instance, the doubts he might be having. Instead, you approached in the gun itself, making it seem so powerful, deciding the destiny of a person. I think you did a really great job! I loved it ;)","dateCreated":"1285379142","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Ingrid89","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ingrid89","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1228179242\/Ingrid89-lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27470053","dateCreated":"1285281149","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"MaFe1595","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/MaFe1595","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27470053"},"dateDigested":1531973809,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"The Rope","description":"She opened her eyes softly. Her eyes burned a little from the angry tears that came out during the night. But her heart felt light. She wasn\u2019t upset for some reason. The windows from her bedroom were wide open. The light came in and reflected against the white walls, making the room cheerful and peaceful at the same time. The sun was shining bright and it gave her a warm feeling deep inside her heart. It lightened the bright green grass and gave life to the perfectly light blue sky, with some white, puffy clouds scattered all over, in different shapes and sizes. They were like cotton candy. She was so happy she wanted to just jump on a cloud and feel it\u2019s smooth cotton texture. The light from the sun would reflect on the clouds and made them look even brighter. It was as if God was smiling at the country, but somehow, He smiled particularly at her. She squinted her eyes when she looked up to see the sun. She put her right hand over her forehead and smiled back. When she turned around, she could see a black spot, the type you see right after looking up at a light. It was annoying, but nothing could annoy her that morning. There wasn\u2019t any breeze and yet it wasn\u2019t hot. The sun gently kissed her skin and warmed her, but didn\u2019t burn her. The weather was just perfect. The smell of freshly cut grass, and bread and strawberry jelly spread around her house. The smell of morning coffee moved through the hallways like a silent whisper, and slowly reached her nose, like the sweetest perfume. She took a sniff and smiled to herself, and then she felt silly about the fight she had with her husband. He had bought her coffee. She felt silly and selfish. Why had she yelled at him?","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27475585","body":"Mafe,
\n
\nNice job. I think it's great how you extended the story to the next morning. You start out with some action, then have a lot of vivid imagery and description, and close with her reflections on the previous day's fight. Near the end, you have a smooth transition that is almost like stream of consciousness. \u201cThe smell of morning coffee moved through the hallways\u2026 She took a sniff and smiled to herself, and then she felt silly about the fight she had with her husband.\u201d I also like how you have both visual and olfactory imagery. Your description of the day outside and the morning weather relates to her mood perfectly. Is she happy because it's a beautiful day? Or does she see a beautiful day because she's so happy? Relating to Carolina\u2019s response, she wrote about the fight scene and described the house as being \u201chollow and empty.\u201d Here, instead, you say the \u201cwindows\u2026 were wide open.\u201d The windows symbolize her attitude this morning; she is calm, happy, and open to a new day of forgiveness and renewal.
\n
\nGood work.
\nMaya.","dateCreated":"1285287952","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"maaayyyaaa","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/maaayyyaaa","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1222817730\/maaayyyaaa-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27482207","body":"Mafe,
\nFrom beginning to end, your story is bursting with vibrant description. As I read through the paragraph I felt serene, as though I too could see and smell that pleasant morning. When I was reading about the smell of coffee, \u201cfreshly cut grass, and bread and strawberry jelly\u201d, I recalled those days at my aunt\u00b4s when it was similar. You described them so vividly my mind actually reacted, remembering those moments which I didn\u2019t think much of then. I really like the phrase \u201cThe smell of morning coffee moved through the hallways like a silent whisper, and slowly reached her nose, like the sweetest perfume.\u201d Not only do you create an image I would never have thought of, but you relate directly to the story, and why she sees this as such a beautiful morning. I have the impression that she open to the morning\u2019s beauty because her husband and her resolved their problem. Besides that you finish with an indirect phrase which unites the character and the narrator, \u201cWhy had she yelled at him?\u201d However, I do think you could get out of your comfort zone and risk the use of fancier or more extravagant words. It would make it much more interesting and expressive, and beside seem more sophisticated.","dateCreated":"1285294381","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"ad.ri","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/ad.ri","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1283992059\/ad.ri-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27514367","body":"Good MaFe,
\n
\nYou used many sensory images here.
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285350418","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27514411","body":"Maya and Adrianna,
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285350451","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27460075","dateCreated":"1285269305","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"danielx_184","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/danielx_184","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27460075"},"dateDigested":1531973809,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"the man who was finaly a man","description":"He was tired, panting, almost like a mule that had been put to work without a drop of water to drink. Yet as he reached the sight of big white house his tiredness was no longer important although he felt the warm drops of sweat falling down his face. He could see the house perfectly, how it exalted out of the pitch dark night that was light up by a moon that did nothing more than a candle could. He could feel the heavy gun jumping in one of his pockets; if he only had one more bullet he would pierce it into the ghostly house, but he did not the last bullet was now somewhere in the middle of the woods, stuck to some tree probably.
\nHe saw the road next to him curving into the darkness; he knew that somewhere the road was bisected by the Illinois Central tracks. He walked that way. Al of a sudden something disturbed the silence of the night. His mind started working, what if he stayed. He would have to break his back through sun and rain, and instead of paying the whole cow in a short time he would have to suffer for over two years to pay for the stubborn mule. \u201cThat aint gonna hapn\u201d he said under his breath. He made sure his gun was clenched tightly against him. As the train started to pass he started to run, a moment later he was on the air, it was like jumping over a pool of crocodiles, he boarded the train he would succeed, if he failed he was dead. When he grabbed hold of the train he helped himself up. Once he was in the cart he lay over the dirt wood planks, but he was happy. He breathed and felt a hint of freedom within him; finally he could be a man, he was an animal free from a master","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27460575","body":"Daniel,
\n
\nYou have a incorporated a motif of an escaping animal in this narrative and it works well. The piece moves along at a decent pace.
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285269941","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27470841","body":"This is a very good use of imagery. We can actually feel the hot sweat running down our faces, the anger he feels towards the boss and how he wants to shoot the house. The whiteness of the house compared to the pitch-black night, and the fear he feels when he jumps into the cart. I like how Daniel compared Dave with an animal that had to work and at the end when he mentions he is free; we can actually feel that feeling of letting go off something, that feeling of freedom. Also when Daniel says, \u201cHe would have to break his back through sun and rain,\u201d helped me as a reader to feel the stress and the fatigue that Dave is feeling, so when he is free, we also feel that freedom. We can actually feel that weight get lifted off our shoulders. I also think that the use of similes, or comparisons helped to make the imagery stronger. It helped to evoke our senses, and therefore relate to Dave. Your similes like, \u201cit was like jumping over a pool of crocodiles,\u201d helps to convey the fear of jumping onto that train and it provides us with a bit of anxiety. I think that this is very good because we readers can actually feel what the character is feeling.","dateCreated":"1285282166","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"MaFe1595","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/MaFe1595","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27514243","body":"Thanks MaFe,
\n
\nGood work,
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285350336","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27455119","dateCreated":"1285264258","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"ad.ri","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/ad.ri","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1283992059\/ad.ri-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27455119"},"dateDigested":1531973810,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"The Man Who Was Almost a Man","description":" A scarlet rose blossomed on her side, flowing down the mule\u00b4s legs into the small pond growing at her feet. Searing pain shot through her and she dashed in desperation as a wild horse toward the top of the hill, tossing her head riotously and kicking at the empty air. The young dark man cautiously drew closer to the feral beast until he got hold of the hurling mane. Cringing in fear she shot out of his reach, another wave of flames flowing through her body from the hole on her side. Finally she succumbed under the pain, feeling trembling fingers grasping her mane stalwartly. She stood baffled, feebly resisting the lure of slipping into the dark. Chilly, shivering hands enclosed around her and piloting her downhill, each step a stabbing agony. Exhausted, she came to a stop but unexpectedly felt a piercing ache where the gap was still spurting the crimson, sticky fluid through the damp soil and dark fingers. Torturous hands clogged the dark crumbly dirt into her side, blinding her for a moment, and she gathered all her strength to sprint away as a hideous whine escaped between her lips. She heard the familiar, appeasing voice as though it was a dream. Again the sticky fingers approached her side, inhumanely obstructing without success the hot, red blood that trickled through his fingers, down his arm, and finally reached the ground. Again her vision brightened into nothing and her heels separated from the soggy soil as she kicked her invisible enemy. Her fragile legs connected with the ground as another lake was starting to form. The life draining out of her she let her legs bend under her weight. No gentle hands stroked her clammy fur, no savior, merely a dull thrumming nagging on her side. The blur of colors and light dancing in her vision, leisurely dimmed into obscurity. No light at the end of no tunnel, no familiar or warm welcome from any loved ones, but the bitter gloom and the throbbing in her side that numbed as everything went black.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27458027","body":"Dearest Adriana,
\nI was incredibly impressed by your descriptions. When you write \u201csearing pain shot through her,\u201d or \u201cunexpectedly felt a piercing ache,\u201d I could feel the pain and desperation in my own skin. Your description of the blood paints my mind scarlet, and the touch of the \u201ctorturous hands\u201d make me quiver involuntarily. What I most like about this paragraph is the fact that there are so many things around the animal, life, death, fear, pain, screaming, dirt, anxiety, that overlap each other, causing tension and agitation in the reader. It is really difficult to make feelings and situations overlap without making a mess and end up with a confusing paragraph. You didn\u2019t mess it up at all. I also love the fact that you wrote in Jenny\u2019s point of view. You chose it even though it was more challenging, since the text provided only Dave\u2019s thoughts. However, that wasn\u2019t a problem for you. You described how Jenny fights death along the paragraph, increasing the tension with every adjective and with phrases such as, \u201ca hideous whine escaped between her lips,\u201d and you keep it until the end, when you write, \u201cNo light at the end of no tunnel, no familiar or warm welcome from any loved ones\u2026.\u201d But in the end, everything ends and becomes black. I loved it. Nice job!
\nPaula Sevilla","dateCreated":"1285267049","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"paulasev_th","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/paulasev_th","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1265121950\/paulasev_th-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27514095","body":"Quite beautiful writing, Adriana, for such a macabre subject,
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285350242","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27514189","body":"Good Paula,
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285350294","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27522873","body":"I liked a lot your descriptions, I can almost feel as if I'm part of the story. I liked all the words you used to describe her pain. You well also creative for narrating how the mule felt and now how the man who shot her felt. There is a lot of visual, sensory, and hearing imagery which I like a lot too. I like when you say \u201cTorturous hands clogged the dark crumbly dirt into her side, blinding her for a moment, and she gathered all her strength to sprint away as a hideous whine escaped between her lips. \u201c, with this quote I can feel the mule\u2019s pain and we can almost see it too. A good example of hearing imagery is when you say, \u201cShe heard the familiar, appeasing voice as though it was a dream.\u201d With this quote I feel what she feels, and that throughout all that agony we can see how this voice appeases her. I like the ending too and even though it represents no hope since there is \u201cno light at the end of the tunnel\u201d the way it is described is really good.","dateCreated":"1285359055","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"tammy_sev","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/tammy_sev","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1285868666\/tammy_sev-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27608881","body":"Thanks Tamara,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285609357","smartDate":"Sep 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27430439","dateCreated":"1285224589","smartDate":"Sep 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"julibarca10","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/julibarca10","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1269448814\/julibarca10-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27430439"},"dateDigested":1531973810,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"The man who was almost a man ","description":"The man who was almost a man imagery
\n
\nHe gently stretched his arm as if he were to reach for something that was away from him. He looked at Jenny and asked her to stay like a stone, right where she was, without moving. Just, like soccer player about to take a penalty kick Dave prepared himself mentally and physically for the shot, he turned away as if he had been blinded by a blur of light. Just like a worm the gun squiggled in his hand for a second, right before that apocalyptic round silver, life-taking piece of metal came out of that feared cannon. He shot, the raging crowd deafened him for a moment, and just like the penalty taker who missed, Dave fell on his knees holding his hand like the player holds his tears after missing that crucial shot. Dave held to his hand firmly, he squished it between his legs, and then he stuck it into his mouth trying to make it feel again. He couldn\u2019t his hand had turned into a brick of ice, it was cold, numb, and again Dave tried to melt the ice by sticking it into his mouth. He looked to the ground and noticed the gun was there, Dave stared at the gun with the same sensation you get when you see something you need to poke with a stick. Suddenly, his rage was triggered and he scolded the gun as if it were a dog who just did some kind of mischief \u201cWutz yo problem, ya nearly rip m goddam arm ofa me\u201d he yelled. He kicked the gun with the same sorrow and pain that the soccer player feels while he kicks the ground after missing that shot. Jenny just like a prisoner who escaped from Jail was already miles away jumping and moving all around, and just like that prisoner who barely escapes she had a wound near her ribcage, Dave saw it, he saw the crimson, warm, thick, liquid ooze out of her wound like lava that flows slowly out of the crater.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27430459","body":"a small correction the second sentence should start "Like a soccer player" not "just, like soccer player"","dateCreated":"1285224708","smartDate":"Sep 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"julibarca10","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/julibarca10","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1269448814\/julibarca10-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27454155","body":"another correction it is jenny ran just like a prisoner...","dateCreated":"1285263581","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"julibarca10","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/julibarca10","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1269448814\/julibarca10-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27454321","body":"The man who was almost a man imagery
\n
\nHe gently stretched his arm as if he were to reach for something that was away from him. He looked at Jenny and asked her to stay like a stone, right where she was, without moving. Just, like a soccer player about to take a penalty kick Dave prepared himself mentally and physically for the shot, he turned away as if he had been blinded by a blur of light. Just like a worm the gun squiggled in his hand for a second, right before that apocalyptic round silver, life-taking piece of metal came out of that feared cannon. He shot, the raging crowd deafened him for a moment, and just like the penalty taker who missed, Dave fell on his knees holding his hand like the player holds his tears after missing that crucial shot. Dave held to his hand firmly, he squished it between his legs, and then he stuck it into his mouth trying to make it feel again. He couldn\u2019t his hand had turned into a brick of ice, it was cold, numb, and again Dave tried to melt the ice by sticking it into his mouth. He looked to the ground and noticed the gun was there, Dave stared at the gun with the same sensation you get when you see something you need to poke with a stick. Suddenly, his rage was triggered and he scolded the gun as if it were a dog who just did some kind of mischief \u201cWutz yo problem, ya nearly rip m goddam arm ofa me\u201d he yelled. He kicked the gun with the same sorrow and pain that the soccer player feels while he kicks the ground after missing that shot. Jenny ran just like a prisoner who escaped from Jail, and she was already a couple meters away jumping and moving all around, and just like that prisoner who barely escapes she had a wound near her ribcage, Dave saw it. He saw the crimson, warm, thick, liquid ooze out of her wound like lava that flows slowly out of the crater.","dateCreated":"1285263689","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"julibarca10","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/julibarca10","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1269448814\/julibarca10-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27459961","body":"Great work Julian,
\n
\nI liked the motif that kept resonating in your writing here, the tension and apprehension of the soccer player.
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285269194","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27428073","dateCreated":"1285213741","smartDate":"Sep 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"maaayyyaaa","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/maaayyyaaa","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1222817730\/maaayyyaaa-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27428073"},"dateDigested":1531973812,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"ROPE","description":"After broiling the steak and frying the eggs, she went out into the cool evening to wait for him. It was that nearly-night-but-not-quite time when everything takes on a dusty, dusky quality. The sun, now a fading egg yolk upon the horizon, cast shadows across the well-worn dirt road. Daytime\u2019s bustle was replaced by the sweet serenity of twilight. One by one, hidden crickets started up their nightly chorus. The faintest hint of steak wandered about and sneaked up under her nose every now and again. She leaned against the post box and squinted at the road. Far down, a hazy figure emerged and sauntered towards her. She waved. He waved back. She called out. He sped up. Dinner was ready; was he hungry? By God, yes he was. His face broke out in a radiant grin as he drew nearer. Here was Her Highness\u2019s coffee, and did she have any other requests? She giggled, her airy laughter bubbling up around them and floating off into the night. Of course she didn\u2019t. Now that she had her coffee, everything was perfect. But what was that in his other hand? Oh. The rope. He was sorry, and had meant to exchange it but it had slipped his mind. She waved it away and laughed again. Why should he exchange it if he wanted it so badly? She grabbed it playfully from his hand, swung the rough fibers around his thick torso, and pulled him close. Like an Englishwoman sipping her tea, she then daintily took hold of his coarse hand. The rope was thrown over a shoulder and everything from the afternoon was forgotten as if blown away in the evening breeze. Hand in hand, they walked home in the fading light.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27456017","body":"Maya what a good job I like it a lot how you managed not to over do the use of imagery but instead managed to sneak a couple of very well thought metaphors. For example: \u201cThe sun, now a fading egg yolk upon the horizon,\u201d it like it how you managed to take the example of the eggs and their discussion of just saving the yolks for eggs that night and used it to make a metaphor. I also like the word choice you used very simple yet effective, since it resembles the writing of the author and it works better to enhance your similes and metaphors. For example: \u201cThe rope was thrown over a shoulder and everything from the afternoon was forgotten as if blown away in the evening breeze.\u201d The word choice is very simple and the transition into the simile is perfect it flows just like a river into the ocean. Finally you managed to emphasize the type of relation they have and you make it look like the typical young married couple \u201cShe leaned against the post box and squinted at the road. Far down, a hazy figure emerged and sauntered towards her. She waved. He waved back. She called out. He sped up.\u201d Here you can see how there love is still a very childish, innocent, fresh type of love instead of a bittersweet type of relation.","dateCreated":"1285264967","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"julibarca10","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/julibarca10","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1269448814\/julibarca10-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27460157","body":"Very nice, Maya,
\n
\nYou moved the scene along at a good pace, the piece flowed well, and you incorporated some evocative imagery as well. Good work,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285269418","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27460369","body":"I agree with you here Julian,
\n
\nIt is perceptive of you to note that the metaphor of the egg is tied into the action of frying eggs. I also think that the graceful rhythm of Maya's writing that you noted ("She waved. He waved back. She called out. He sped up.")reflects to what we can call the ultimate simplicity of this couple's affection.
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285269694","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27419355","dateCreated":"1285201874","smartDate":"Sep 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"teagvest","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/teagvest","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27419355"},"dateDigested":1531973812,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Teag Vest","description":"As soon as he woke in the early morning, he groped around under his thin pillow for the cold muzzle of the gun. He clutched it close to his bare chest, feeling a rising sense of power in the dark light. He could eliminate anyone with this, nigger or white man. If he were to hold it so that it was visible to others, they would be forced to respect him. No more running over him. It was, without a doubt, a large gun. It had a barrel like his long arm and a handle as heavy as a pan. He practiced different positions with it, awed by its heaviness.
\n Despite his nervous mother\u2019s wish, he hadn\u2019t returned to their shack of a home until there was no doubt they were asleep, overtaken by the weariness of their laborious days. He had hid out in the fields instead, practicing again with different positions, pretending he was in combat with some nonexistent enemy. But he had been too afraid of his overbearing father hearing it to shoot it. He didn\u2019t even know how to shoot the thing.
\n So he had stayed away until they were asleep to go inside, and then he pretended to be asleep in his hard bed when his mother demanded the location of the gun. At first he ignored her, but then he broke and told her it was hidden somewhere in the darkness outside and that he would surrender it to her in the morning. But he hadn\u2019t of course, and now it was in his weathered hands. He took the slippery bullets out and put them back in the dark cartridge.
\n He slid out of bed and wrapped the cold piece of metal in a long flannel rag. He tied it to his waist and it hung against his bare skin. He didn\u2019t bother going for breakfast; it was always almost nothing anyway. Regardless of the fact that the sun had not yet broken through the coolness of the night, he began the long walk to Hawkins\u2019 plantation. It took so long that the sun had just begun to shine by the time he had arrived, tired and sweaty, to the run-down barns where the livestock and tools were stored.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27448555","body":"Teag,
\n
\nYou have made some good use of descriptive adjectives here but I am hoping for a bit more... I guess this seems a bit light on the imagery and a bit heavier on the psychological insight and plot-line. Could you give us a little more?
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285257401","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27456607","body":"
\nTeag, I feel like you used more adjectives that actual imagery. For example, when you said "overbearing father" you could have used some imagery to SHOW how he is overbearing. With "by the time he had arrived, tired and sweaty" it would have been nice if you had described the scene a little more so I could picture it. I felt I was a bit repetitive when you said twice \u201cpracticed different positions with it\u201d. There would have been more imagery if you described how he held the gun. I think some description of the characters would have added a lot to this piece.
\n
\n
\nI did enjoy the image of him putting the "slippery bullets" in the gun because I could practically feel the bullets in my own hand. I also like the way you described the gun as "heavy as a pan" because it\u2019s not something you would usually describe a gun. When you said \u201cpretending he was in combat with some nonexistent enemy\u201d I imagined it perfectly. Nice \u263a","dateCreated":"1285265477","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"caro3arias","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/caro3arias","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27460403","body":"Great Carolina,
\n
\nThanks for your insights.
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285269758","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27484399","body":"OK- here my re-done response. I didn't actually use all of what I wrote- I only used the first 2 or 3 paragraphs because otherwise it would have been too long.
\n
\n When his eyes opened in the dim Southern dawn, he groped around under his thin pillow for the cold metal muzzle. He drew it close to his bare chest and felt a rising sense of power in the dark light.
\n
\n Ah could kill anyone wid dis here gun. One o dem niggers o one o dem white men. If Ah showed it t dem dey wouldn whup me no more. No sah, Ah could teach dem a thing o two. It was clearly a powerful weapon: it had a barrel like his long arm and a handle as heavy as a pan.
\n
\n Now, if Ah jus held it like this\u2026 He alternated between resting the handle on his dominant right shoulder and trying his left shoulder.
\n
\n Even though his mother had wanted him to return home as soon as possible, the idea of giving up his new pistol to his father or even getting into his tattered cot didn\u2019t necessarily appeal to him.
\n
\n Why would Ah do that? That would jus be stupid. I wouldn nevah git it back. He could see in all clarity his father\u2019s piercing brown eyes and his lips in a firm line.
\n
\n Ah couldn say no. Ah\u2019d git the whuppin of mah life. So, instead of going inside, he\u2019d hid among the tall grass in the field and waited until the moon shone, sure that they were all asleep. He\u2019d pretended to be in combat with some nonexistent enemy, darting through the shrubs and crouching behind bushes. It was a game of twisted hide-and-seek; his life was at stake here.
\n
\n If only Ah could show dem- Ah\u2019m a man. Ah\u2019m seventeen. Ah can be a man. Ah jus gotta prove it first\u2026 He aimed at his enemy and didn\u2019t pull the trigger; again, his father\u2019s commanding countenance came to mind. But the enemy fell anyway, and Dave stood proud, while his witnesses waved in the calm breeze of a night glow.
\n
\n See? Did ya\u2019ll see that? Ah\u2019m a man. Ah am a man.
\n
\n
\nI kind of took a little liberty there at the end...","dateCreated":"1285297239","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"teagvest","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/teagvest","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27514555","body":"I appreciate you taking liberties with your writing Teag,
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285350541","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27418795","dateCreated":"1285201297","smartDate":"Sep 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Ingrid89","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ingrid89","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1228179242\/Ingrid89-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27418795"},"dateDigested":1531973814,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"The man who was almost a man","description":"The yellow ball of sun slowly hid behind the horizon. Peeking through the branches of the trees, two of Jim Hawkins\u2019 men carefully dough a hole, deep enough for Jenny to fit in. A corwd had grown around the mule, and a circle of eyes stared straight at the ground where Jenny laid, dead.
\n\u201cI don\u2019t see how in the world it happened,\u201d repeated Jim Hawkins for the tenth time.
\nEyes turned away, the audience left, one by one, leaving only Dave\u2019s mother, father and little brother at the scene.
\n\u201cWhere Dave?\u201d his mother called desperately.
\n\u201cThere he is, \u201calleged Jim Hawkins.
\nSlowly, his mother closed the distance between them and grabbed him from the arm.
\n\u201cWhut happened, Dave? Whut yuh done?\u201d
\n\u201cNothin.\u201d
\n\u201cC\u2019mon, boy, talk,\u201d exclaimed his father, slowing loosing the grip on his temper.
\nDave took a long, abysmal breath, trying to get rid of his cluttered emotions, and preparing himself to tell the story of the accident once again, even though he knew that, with just the look in his eyes, the truth spoke for itself.
\n\u201cWaal, \u201che drawled. All the words about to come out of Dave\u2019s mouth were a lie. He knew it, and he knew everyone around him knew as well. \u201cA brung ol Jenny down here sos Ah could do mah plowin. Ah plowed two rows.\u201d He traced with his eyes the fake plowed marks on the ground, trying as hard as he could to appear calmed, as the flames of truth fought against his gut to reach out of his soul. \u201cThen somethun musta been wrong wid ol Jenny. She wouldn ack right a-tall.\u201d Jenny had been snorting and kicking around, making it impossible for Dave to control her, or so he expressed. He had moved slowly towards her, like a little mouse reaching for the cheese, and, as he tried to put his long arms around her, she bolted off uncontrollably, running into the hard, sharp plow; stabbing it right between her ribs. \u201cShe stuck herself n started t bleed,\u201d Dave sobbed. Rivers of blood flowed down her body, drawing lines of red all over. She howled and squirmed like a worm on the ground, gasping her last breaths. \u201cShe wuz dead.\u201d","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27426521","body":"Wow- really good, Ingrid!
\n
\nI think probably the best part about your imagery is that it's not overdone- I think that's something that we often do. The way you write it, it enhances the story, as opposed to transforming it into something completely different. For example, you didn't make the sun into anything metaphorical- you made it more dramatic and present as opposed to comparing it to, say, Dave's perceived innocence coming to an end. And the workers digging a hole for Jenny were "peeking through the trees" simply for showing how visible they were as opposed to maybe their suspicious or sketchy role in uncovering Dave's lie. The way I saw it, they seemed to be for a better mental picture of the setting instead of a comparison of images.
\n
\nIn the last paragraph and the dialogue preceding it, there isn't actually much room to add imagery, but I felt like you did it well. For example, "Slowly, his mother closed the distance between the two" adds tension as well- she did it 'slowly' and she didn't merely just walk over to him. She "closed the distance", obviously intent on getting to him, and with a purpose. I especially liked the way you described the blood: there were "rivers of [it]" and it "[drew] lines of red all over". This personification fits perfectly because it is one of the only times where you used a comparison. You illustrated the overwhelming amount of blood as perceived by a shocked teenager in a very realistic way.
\n
\nI felt like there was just enough of everything, not way overdone nor lacking, to make this a good response.","dateCreated":"1285210538","smartDate":"Sep 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"teagvest","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/teagvest","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27449105","body":"Ingrid,
\n
\nA decent job. I appreciate the analogy of Jenny to a worm especially, as well as the line about the flames of truth. Both images use physical description to provide us with psychological complexities.
\nI guess that I would have like a bit more if that. It seems a bit short on imagery. Do you think that you could give us a bit more?
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285258184","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27453385","body":"Teag,
\n
\nI agree with you wholly that Ingrid's writing is well-balanced, not saturating us with overdone imagery. I think that calm, reasonable and straightforward writing is often more of a challenge than writing that is "too much". I suppose that I was hoping that Ingrid would give us a little more as the assignment was to practice this type of writing. But outside of this exercise, and just looking at the writing as writing, I agree with you wholeheartedly.
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285263068","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27515739","body":"The red and yellow shades filled up the skies of fields of Mr. Hawkins. The yellow ball of sun slowly lowered in the picture, making it almost impossible for it to be seen. Peeking through the branches of the tall, slender trees, two of Jim Hawkins\u2019 men carefully dough a hole, wide as the highway, deep as the sea; just big enough to burry Jenny. A crowd had grown around the mule, and a circle of eyes stared straight at the ground where Jenny laid, dead.
\n\u201cI don\u2019t see how in the world it happened,\u201d repeated Jim Hawkins for the tenth time.
\nEyes turned away, the audience left, one by one, leaving only Dave\u2019s mother, father and little brother at the scene.
\n\u201cWhere Dave?\u201d his mother called desperately.
\n\u201cThere he is, \u201calleged Jim Hawkins.
\nSlowly, his mother closed the distance between them and grabbed him from the arm.
\n\u201cWhut happened, Dave? Whut yuh done?\u201d
\n\u201cNothin.\u201d
\n\u201cC\u2019mon, boy, talk,\u201d exclaimed his father, slowing loosing the grip on his temper.
\nDave took a long, abysmal breath, trying to get rid of his cluttered emotions, and preparing himself to tell the story of the accident once again. He knew that his lie wouldn\u2019t last long, as the look in his eyes spoke the truth for itself.
\n\u201cWaal, \u201che drawled. He could sense the lies striving inside of his being, waiting to clear out as he spoke.. \u201cA brung ol Jenny down here sos Ah could do mah plowin. Ah plowed two rows.\u201d He traced with his eyes the fake plowed marks on the ground, trying as hard as he could to appear calmed, as the flames of truth fought against his gut to reach out of his soul. \u201cThen somethun musta been wrong wid ol Jenny. She wouldn ack right a-tall.\u201d Jenny had been snorting and kicking around, making it impossible for Dave to control her. He had moved slowly towards her, making no sound at all, like a ghost appearing behind in the dark; and, as he tried to put his long arms around her, she bolted off uncontrollably, running into the hard, sharp plow; stabbing it right between her ribs. \u201cShe stuck herself n started t bleed,\u201d Dave sobbed. Rivers of blood flowed down her body, drawing lines of red all over. She howled and squirmed like a worm on the ground, gasping her last breaths. \u201cShe wuz dead.\u201d","dateCreated":"1285351739","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Ingrid89","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ingrid89","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1228179242\/Ingrid89-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27522111","body":"Ingrid,
\n
\nBetter,
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285358057","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27417755","dateCreated":"1285200148","smartDate":"Sep 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"paulasev_th","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/paulasev_th","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1265121950\/paulasev_th-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27417755"},"dateDigested":1531973814,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Almost a Man Imagery","description":"Paula Sevilla
\nImagery in The Man Who Was Almost a Man
\n
\n"The first movement he made the following morning was to reach under his pillow for the gun. In the gray light of dawn he held it loosely, feeling a sense of power. Could kill a man with a gun like this. Kill anybody, black or white. And if he were holding his gun in his hand, nobody could run over him; they would have to respect him. It was a big gun, with a long barrel and a heavy handle. He raised and lowered it in his hand, marveling at its weight," (1116).
\n
\n
\n
\n That morning, unlike what usually happens when waking up of a clear dream, it took no more than a second for Dave to remember what had happened the day before. His breath held still for a moment until he, jumping with childish excitement and even doubt of what his mind had projected, slid his hand down the pillow and felt the cold touch of metal. A feeling he had never experienced before breathed into his nostrils, filled his lungs and pumped his heart as he realized he truly had in his possession such an immensely powerful object. His eyes slowly were drawn to the gun, while his hand moved it, playing with the different silver tones of the dawn light and the darker gray of the barrel. The touch was so cold it burned, but it also felt as if the gun burned in anxiety, impatience to be used. Dave then felt no more as a little kid. In fact, he felt really big, huge. He felt like a strong Colossus having not a gun in his hand, but the power of deciding the fate of the world, the possibility of moving one finger and make waves that would reach to the skies and angry storms able to defeat any ship. It only took one second, one decision, one movement, and life would be separated from flesh, white or colored, as quickly as a blink of an eye. So much power was now given to him that people would bow instead of scowl at him, and respect instead of punish him. Dave stared at it for what seemed hours. The metal tube seemed greater to him every time he looked at it, and the coldness of the touch kept penetrating into his skin, bones, and veins, beating with incredulity and eagerness. He moved the gun in his hand, pressed it harder, let it loose, weighed it, never taking his admiring and amazed eyes away from the object, as if it would disappear at any time.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27419773","body":"Wow!
\nPaula,
\nAs I read the original paragraph, I got the sense that the gun was just a brand new toy for Dave; something he had wished to have in his hand for way too long, and finally had it in his possessions. But as I read your rewrite, I got a completely different sense of the situation. With the information and imagery that you supported, I got a different view of Dave with the gun. I felt Dave was scared, as well as excited of having in possession such great power. He felt intimidated, knowing how much he could do with such little metal thing; contrary to the short story, in which I get just a sense of him wanting to not be treated as a boy, thus with the powerful weapon, not even being in use, would be enough to prove his power to the other men. With your writing, the gun\u2019s value and danger is enhanced, which I think is proper for what occurs later on in the story, seeing how all of the people and animals could have been in grave danger. I think you did a great job, yet at the end, I would have changed one thing; I would have said \u201cas if it would disappear in any second, right in front of his eyes, just like his dreams would, floating away.\u201d I just think it would be a little more powerful, that\u2019s all. But great job!!!
\nIngrid T.","dateCreated":"1285202346","smartDate":"Sep 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Ingrid89","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ingrid89","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1228179242\/Ingrid89-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27448717","body":"Paula,
\n
\nI got a good sense, through your use of imagery, of the psychological condition of Dave.
\n
\nGood stuff,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285257673","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27448771","body":"Ingrid,
\n
\nI agree. Paula did a great job here enhancing the danger and potency of the gun.
\n
\nGood response.
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285257767","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}