{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27530205","dateCreated":"1285372499","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cecyrodriguez","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cecyrodriguez","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27530205"},"dateDigested":1531973892,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Imagery \"A man who was almost a man\"","description":"Jenny stood as still as a pole with her head down, her short ears pricked straight. Dave walked off about twenty feet surrounded by the wild moving grass, held the gun far out from him at arms length and turned his head as if someone was calling his name. Hell, he told, himself, ah an afraid. The gun felt as loose as if he were holding slippery ice in his fingers; he waved it wildly for a moment. Then he shut his eyes and while smelling the damp earth he tightened his forefinger. Bloom! A report half deafened him as if a trumpet had played right next to his ear. He thought his right hand was torn from his shaking arm. He heard Jenny whinnying like a little girl crying after dropping her ice cream, and saw galloping over the awakening field, he found himself on his sore knees, squeezing his finger hard between his legs, his red lips twisted like a piece of licorice. His hand was as numb as a dead person; he jammed it into his trembling mouth, trying to warm it, trying to stop the pain that came to him as if he were just hit by a car. The gun lay at his feet by the now quiet earth. He did not know what had happened. He stood up as slowly as an old crippled man and stared at the gun though it was a living thing about to attack him. He gritted his teeth and kicked the gun as hard as a soccer player shooting for the score of a lifetime. Yuh almos broke mah arm! He turned with widely opened eyes to look for Jenny; she was far over the moving green and yellow fields, tossing her head and kicking as wildly as a ball being thrown all around an empty room.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27608543","body":"Thanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285609085","smartDate":"Sep 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"28041915","body":"m","dateCreated":"1286336951","smartDate":"Oct 5, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"ellagicacid","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/ellagicacid","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1343664898\/ellagicacid-lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27528301","dateCreated":"1285368779","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"ellagicacid","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/ellagicacid","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1343664898\/ellagicacid-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27528301"},"dateDigested":1531973892,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Imagery: ROPE","description":"Imagery: Rope (pg 153-154)
\nElla Nugent
\n
\nOn the third day after they moved to the country, he came sauntering back from the village lugging a brimming bag of groceries and a thick, heavy rope. She came out to meet him, her hair tumbled about her bony shoulders, her slightly upturned, freckled nose sunburnt. His ash-coloured flannel shirt stuck to him and his coal-black shoes were scuffed and dusty. Had he brought the coffee? Gosh, no, he hadn't. It had completely slipped his mind. Lord, now he'd have to go back for it. Then her dark, beady eyes fixated on the rope. She raised her blonde, arched eyebrows. What was it for? They needed every penny at the moment and she thought back to the neglected glass jar they were using to keep their money in. The only thing collecting inside of it was dust. Sometimes she would shake the glass jar and hold it up near the window and a million little specks of dust would swirl and swish about in the rays of sunlight. Sure, she sighed, there are plenty uses for that rope. She nodded her head in agreement with him, her blonde hair waving in the wind like an octopus' tentacles. Then she saw the sunset colored, slimy egg yolks inching, slithering their way down the side of the bag. The eggs, the eggs! she cried, her long, lean arm outstretched, her spindly fingers pointing. Shouldn't he know not to put heavy things on top of them? Her small, black eyes swiveled back to the rope. She believed it was the rope that had crushed their fragile, crunchy shells.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27608415","body":"Thanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285608997","smartDate":"Sep 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27524101","dateCreated":"1285360988","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"fabig1","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/fabig1","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1229012865\/fabig1-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27524101"},"dateDigested":1531973892,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"A man who was almost a man","description":"Jenny stood with her head down and short ears pricked straight, in a face of disappointment. Dave walked off about twenty feet away from the field, he held the gun strongly and far away from him, like he had seen other people do. He turned his head to hide his fear saying to himself that he was not afraid. The gun felt very loose on his fingers like if it was part of him. He waved it wildly like a spear in the air and he shut his eyes to ignore the outside world. Not caring anymore, he tightened his finger and the adrenaline rushed into him\u2026 BOOM\u2026 a deafening sound came out of the gun and his arm was thrown back like if a car just hit him straight on. He could not feel his arm and was trying to hide the agonizing pain by sheltering his fingers between his legs. He could not stop the pain and trying desperately, he jammed it as fast as he could into his mouth to warm it and regain his strength. The gun lay at his feet, staring at him and telling him how dumb he was. Dave gritted his teeth and kicked the gun in extreme anger. He was lost in the excruciating pain and did not know what to do. He started to talk to the gun, yelling at it and kicking it in rage. He knew it was alive and told it how he almost took his arm off. Suddenly, Dave turned his head to see where Jenny went. She was over the unbendable field, tossing her head and kicking wildly like if the devil had just got inside of her.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27608387","body":"Thanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285608975","smartDate":"Sep 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27508169","dateCreated":"1285344001","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"luisuarez","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/luisuarez","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1302804674\/luisuarez-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27508169"},"dateDigested":1531973893,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"The man Who was almost a Man","description":"Jenny, the mule, innocently stood with her head down, her ears cautiously extended straight down to hear more deeply. Dave excitedly walked as if it were his last night on earth, slowly he held the gun far out from him, appearing as if he wanted to get rid of it, and warily turned his head to the other side. Damn he said to himself, Ah ain afraid. The gun suddenly was losing its weight, and his hands were getting cold as if he were going to have a life-changing decision. With a growing desire and a heart pounding chest, he put his finger on the trigger, Ah gona be a grounup, he thought proudly and arrogantly. With the sweat being expelled by the pores of his hand, it appeared like a river was crying. Dave shut his eyes, as if he wanted to close the curtains of the atrocity that he was about to commit. Without thinking twice, he determinedly held the gun and with a quick movement he pulled the trigger. POOOOW! The roar of the powder and the expulsion of the bullet easily deafened Dave and disoriented him. The gun\u2019s impacts made his arms seem weak, for the force exerted by the gun almost made him fall of the pain. In the background, he heard the sound of a dying organism, but not quite noticed what was it .He realized it was Jenny, and he thought, Im n big troobl now. The gun, now in the floor, seemed to create and evil aura around it, but mysteriously attracted Dave. He still didn\u2019t fully comprehend what happened, for his brain was mixed up like a crossword puzzle. Nervously he squeezed his hands and his teeth; and with anger he kicked the gun. Dave now realized that Jenny was dying, and with a last breath he caught up with the Mule.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27513267","body":"Thanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285349667","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27524391","body":"Luis does a great job to show imagery in his writing. As I start to read, everything that he writes that exposes the scene makes me feel like if I was next to Dave and Jenny. I really like the way that he explains every little detail and adds a lot of detail to the story and also, he adds extreme detail to the events as well. \u201cThe roar of the powder and the expulsion of the bullet easily deafened Dave and disoriented him.\u201d Every sentence that I read until it climbs to the climax makes me more intrigue in the story and want to read more and start to get more tense until, \u201cPOOOOW!\u201d Although it was complete and intriguing, I felt it tried to skip some scenes and fuse them together instead of separating them and make it more interesting. Great job Luis!","dateCreated":"1285361593","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"fabig1","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/fabig1","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1229012865\/fabig1-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27546447","body":"After reading Luis' text, i could easily picture mental images of the scene that is being described. Luis provided us with information that is essential in order for us to really understand what is going on in the story. "With the sweat being expelled by the pores of his hand, it appeared like a river was crying". This passage represents a great example of imagery, since it compares the great amount of sweat being expelled from his hands with a river. "The gun, now in the floor, seemed to create and evil aura around it, but mysteriously attracted Dave. He still didn\u2019t fully comprehend what happened, for his brain was mixed up like a crossword puzzle." After killing the mule, his mind was so confused and filled that despair, that the best way to compare it with something was with a crossword puzzle. As i read this text, i could feel the emotions rising inside me, and couldn't wait to finish reading it. Each sentence caught my attention and made me feel as if I was right next to Dave in this crucial moment.","dateCreated":"1285451683","smartDate":"Sep 25, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"marinacoccaro","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/marinacoccaro","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27484501","dateCreated":"1285297375","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"eli-picado","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/eli-picado","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1283475869\/eli-picado-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27484501"},"dateDigested":1531973893,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"The Man Who was Almost a Man","description":" \u201cHey! That you, Dave?\u201d
\nHe turned. Jim Hawkins stood seeing him suspiciously and surprised. He thought there should be a reason why this black kid was standing there alone in the center of the broad fields.
\n\u201cWhat\u00b4re yuh doing here so early?\u201d
\n\u201cAh didn\u00b4t know Ah wuz gittin up so earl, Mistah Hawkins. Ah wuz fixin t hitch up ol Jenny n take her t the fiels.\u201d
\n\u201cGood. Since you\u00b4re sun-like early, how about plowing that stretch down by the woods?\u201d
\n\u201cSuits me laike a glov, Mistah Hawkins.\u201d
\n\u201cO.K. Go to it!\u201d
\nHe hitched Jenny to a plow and started across the fields, which, with the early morning sun, resembled a sea of golden thin hairs. Dave was walking in a straight line, looking at the clear sky and thinking. Hot Dog! This was just what he wanted. If he could get down by the woods like a thief, slippery and without being noticed; he could shoot his gun and nobody would hear. He walked behind the plow, hearing the traces creaking, attentive like a prey with the presentiment of a predator\u00b4s ambush; feeling the pulse of excitement and danger the gun tied tight to his thigh was sending to his soul.
\nWhen he reached the thick woods, he started working, hearing the whisper of the gun calling him. It took him two whole rows of plowing before he decided to obey the calling and took out the gun. Finally, he stopped and looked in all directions, like a prisoner seeking for the right moment to escape. He then untied the gun and held it in his hand like a toy. He turned to the mule and smiled the way the Joker would.
\n\u201cKnow whut this is, Jenny? Naw, yuh wouldn know! Yuhs jusa ol mule! Anyhow, this is a gun, n it kin shoot, by Gawd!\u201d
\nHe held the gun at arm\u00b4s length. Whut t hell, Ahma shoot this thing! He looked at the timid, tranquil mule again.
\n\u201cLissen here, Jenny! When Ah pull this ol trigger, Ah don wan yuh t run n acka fool now!\u201d
\nJenny stood with head down, her short ears pricked straight like arrows. Dave walked off about twenty feet, held the gun far out from him at arm\u00b4s length, reaching for an invisible taste of manliness, and not wanting to see the horror movie scene he was going to act, he turned his head. Hell, he told himself, Ah ain afraid. The gun felt loose in his fingers; light as a feather and childish as a slingshot. He waved it wildly for a moment. Then he shut his eyes and tightened his forefinger.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27487235","body":"Elizabeth uses imagery quite effectively in this passage. She took the passage and added a lot of sensory details, especially visual. Your wonderful similes helped me create a series of metal images I did not perceive the first time I read the scene. These discrete similes put a lot of images into the reader\u2019s head and yet the story flows and blends very well with them, all the imagery used does not slow down the action this scene contains. This comparison, for example: \u201cHe hitched Jenny to a plow and started across the fields, which, with the early morning sun, resembled a sea of golden thin hairs,\u201d gives me a clear mental image of the field and the way the morning sun made it look. I can clearly picture the field illuminated by the golden sunlight and I can imagine the grass looked like brilliant blond hairs that look gold with the sunlight. The way in which she compares Dave to a slippery and unnoticed thief also brings a good image, since we all have an image of this from some movie, the news or even experience. The events keep flowing with the incorporated images, and at the very end I particularly liked the way she compared the way the gun felt to a childish slingshot, since this not only helps us see the scene, but also actually depicts Dave as the immature child he is rather than the man he hopes to become. Elizabeth\u2019s rewritten scene is a good example of writing containing imagery.","dateCreated":"1285302919","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"mariangel94","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mariangel94","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27508685","body":"Elizabeth,
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285344582","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27508701","body":"Great Mariangel,
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285344602","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27477685","dateCreated":"1285289818","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"marinacoccaro","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/marinacoccaro","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27477685"},"dateDigested":1531973894,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"the man who was almost a man","description":"Dave\u2019s stomach felt empty, very empty, as if he hadn\u2019t eaten anything for the past couple of weeks. He felt powerless, it seemed as if time had stopped and for an instant, the whole earth was still. His trembling hands picked the cold gun, and he held it gingerly between his thumb and forefinger. Dave was suddenly unable to remember how to carry his own gun. The sun rays reflected in the metal surface of the gun, blinding his fearful little eyes and suddenly bringing a wave of warmth into his hands and whole body. He buried it at the foot of a crooked tree which\u2019s shadow seemed to reflect a cross in the ground. He took an old stick and tried to cover the scarlet pool of blood with dirt. Its color was so vivid, so intense; he thought he had never seen something so filled with life. But what was the use of hiding the weapon under layers of land? There was Jenny lying with her mouth wide open and eyes walled and glassy like two flawless crystal balls. He could not tell Jim Hawkins he had shot his mule. But he had to tell something. Otherwise his secret would slip out of his mouth as easy as an unstructured word out of a parrot\u2019s beak. Yea, Ah\u2019ll tell em Jenny started gittin wil n fell on the joint of the plow\u2026But that would hardly happen to a mule. He walked across the field slowly, head down. The pasture was bright green and the southern breeze gently hit Dave\u2019s head. The sweat drops ran through his forehead and combined with his tears as they slid down his face. Despair ran inside his veins and he could feel his heart beating as heavy as a truck\u2019s engine. Dave felt and emptiness in his chest, felt like someone managed to take his heart away and leave nothing in return. He tried rushing his steps, but the sound of those and his heartbeat were like the sound of drums echoing in a closed room; too much for him to handle.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27504337","body":"Marina,
\n
\nI love this: "Otherwise his secret would slip out of his mouth as easy as an unstructured word out of a parrot\u2019s beak." Vivid and funny.
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285340623","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27531025","body":"
\nMarina\u2019s response is very illustrious and creative. I love the way she sets the mood by pointing out what is happening around and inside Dave. \u201cThe sun rays reflected in the metal surface of the gun, blinding his fearful little eyes\u2026\u201d This sentence is great, because it tells you about the setting, and also about his face, his eyes., what\u2019s going inside his head. The blood is intensely described and the impact it has on Dave is shown. The way the place is described is really cool, and it reveals were they are, that is the south. Dave\u2019s emotions come to life with the imagery describing how he feels, how deep it was for him. \u201cDespair ran inside his veins and he could feel his heart beating as heavy as a truck\u2019s engine. Dave felt and emptiness in his chest, felt like someone managed to take his heart away and leave nothing in return.\u201d This is a very hard, crude description, yet Picturing someone taking your heart away is intense, a good way to represent how Dave must be feeling. Marina\u2019s response is a good way to use evocative writing and imagery, because it\u2019s so intense, creative, and you can feel your own sense awakening while you read it.
\n
\nCecilia Rodriguez","dateCreated":"1285374638","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cecyrodriguez","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cecyrodriguez","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27608597","body":"Cecilia,
\n
\nThis is a bit late. I will be taking some points off.
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285609128","smartDate":"Sep 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27454957","dateCreated":"1285264150","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"alabuda","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/alabuda","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27454957"},"dateDigested":1531973894,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"A man who was almost a man imagery","description":"Dave stood in the woods with the gun in his hand like a symbol of the doom that he was bringing onto himself. Hah I ain\u2019t afraid. Ef a man kan pull tha dam trigger Ah kan too. Neither his voice, nor his eyes were as determined as he would like them to be. He doubted his decision, just like Alice did when she was entering the rabbit\u2019s hole. He placed his quivering index finger on the trigger. He closed his eyes in panic like a scared child waiting to see what happens next. He fired the gun. A terrible fire noise pierced the air like an unexpected, horribly loud thunder. Dave felt a stream of deathly pain, dropped the gun, and squeezed his fingers as hard as he could. Dam this thing! Yah almos broke meh hand! He kicked the gun further into the woods like an angry kid who was disappointed with his new toy. Suddenly, Dave heard something that he wasn\u2019t paying much attention to before; it was a heart stopping whinnying. Oh good Gawd. He ran to see what was wrong with Jenny. She was galloping and kicking like a captured bull trying his best to get free. And then he saw it. Jenny had a hole in her side, right in between her ribs. The blood was streaming down her back leg like a red river of life that was floating away. She stopped escaping. Her eyes were dark and dead like a scary, lifeless night. She took her last breath, like a conclusion to her life, and fell to the ground. Dave\u2019s eyes became terrified, wet and empty as he was watching the heart-breaking scene. He picked up the gun and buried it away feeling like a criminal who was getting rid of the only proof left. He looked at Jenny once again as if making sure that she is eternally gone, and started walking slowly across the field with shock, pain and guilt painted on his face.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27460733","body":"Agnieszka,
\n
\nGood job. This piece flows well, the narrative really moves along. Although you included a couple of sensory images I would like if you could provide a couple more... I suppose it seems a bit short. For example, you have plenty of opportunity to include some images here. Could you put a couple of more in?
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285270184","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27468931","body":"This is a good and well-written translated scene from \u201cThe Man Who Was Almost a Man.\u201d The imagery is used very harmoniously and really seems to explain Dave\u2019s moments evocatively. The scenes plant a picture in the reader\u2019s mind and make them seem like the reader is experiencing the moment. I can exactly picture the scene. In the beginning, Dave thinks that he acts like a man, but ends up killing Jenny. I can really feel Dave\u2019s sorrow for the mule and see him becoming more worried, terrified, and feeling guilty. From that, one can infer that Dave is not at all ready to be a man. The only negative thing that has caught my attention was the use of multiple similes. Avi used too many \u2018like-as\u2019 in the paragraph. Imagery should be depicted through not only similes, but through many other ways as well. Using mostly similes to compare objects and people is a bit monotonous. Avi states clearly that the act of bringing the gun into the woods foreshadows that something bad will happen to Dave, such as the death of Jenny. The quote at the end \u201cshock, pain, and guilt painted on his face\u201d was also cleverly used. Instead of using \u2018look on his face\u2019, painted on his face gives the reader a better image of Dave\u2019s countenance.","dateCreated":"1285279539","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"lottej95","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/lottej95","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27471429","body":"Avi,
\nYou used excellent imagery and similes in your writing. The language you used can really help us relate to Dave and understand exactly how he is feeling. Examples of particularly strong similes are \u201che kicked the gun further into the woods like an angry kid who was disappointed with his new toy,\u201d and \u201che picked up the gun and buried it away feeling like a criminal who was getting rid of the only proof left.\u201d By comparing the situation to another situation, we can visualize it even more. Also, your reference to Alice in Wonderland is very cute and creative. You used very effective language. When you say things like \u201ca heart stopping whinnying\u201d and \u201ca terrible fire noise pierced the air,\u201d it gives another dimension to the scene. Another strong point in this writing is that you kept Dave\u2019s thoughts and wrote them the way he would say them. While your similes were very descriptive, there were a bit too much in the writing. I would recommend fewer similes and more descriptive language. Try showing instead of telling. A symbolic part of your writing is when you mention that Dave was not as brave as he wished he were. This shows that Dave thinks he is a lot more grown up than he really is. He is not a man yet, even if he thinks he is.","dateCreated":"1285282871","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"gmurphy3","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/gmurphy3","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27503859","body":"Lotte and Grace,
\n
\nThanks for your close reading and your insights and suggestions.
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285340174","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27515949","body":"Dave stood in the woods with the gun in his hand like a symbol of the doom that he was bringing onto himself. Hah I ain\u2019t afraid. Ef a man kan pull tha dam trigger Ah kan too. Neither his voice, nor his eyes were as determined as he would like them to be. He wished for his words to be strong and confident, like Martin Luther\u2019s during his speech of freedom. He doubted his decision, just like Alice did when she was entering the rabbit\u2019s hole. He wanted to feel like a man; like a solider during bloody war. Dave placed his quivering index finger on the trigger. He closed his eyes in panic like a scared child waiting to see what happens next. He fired the gun. A terrible fire noise pierced the air like an unexpected, horribly loud thunder. Dave felt a stream of deathly pain, dropped the gun, and squeezed his fingers as hard as he could as if someone was breaking his arm apart. Dam this thing! Yah almos broke meh hand! He kicked the gun further into the woods like an angry kid who was disappointed with his new toy. Suddenly, Dave heard something that he wasn\u2019t paying much attention to before; it was a heart stopping whinnying. Oh good Gawd. He ran to see what was wrong with Jenny; his heart fulfilled with guilt, like a killer that did mean to commit his crime. She was galloping and kicking like a captured bull trying his best to get free. And then he saw it. Jenny had a hole in her side, right in between her ribs like a crimson door to hell itself. The blood was streaming down her back leg like a red river of life that was floating away for her. She stopped escaping, like if she had given up the fight for her life. Her eyes were dark and dead like a scary, lifeless night. She took her last breath, like a conclusion to her life, and fell to the ground. Dave\u2019s eyes became terrified, wet and empty as he was watching the heart-breaking scene. His stomach felt empty like dead, dried-up lake. He felt like if he was never to fell happy again; like someone that just lost his family. He picked up the gun and buried it away feeling like a criminal who was getting rid of the only proof left. He looked at Jenny once again as if making sure that she is eternally gone, and started walking slowly across the field with shock, pain and guilt painted on his face.","dateCreated":"1285351927","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"alabuda","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/alabuda","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27522545","body":"Better, Agnieska,
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285358612","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27424757","dateCreated":"1285207902","smartDate":"Sep 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"mariangel94","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mariangel94","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27424757"},"dateDigested":1531973895,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Imagery: The Man Who Was Almost a Man","description":"The pale, empty plate was now filled with color and life, just as if a corpse had risen from the dead. The molasses and its interesting texture injected life to the plate; it made it resuscitate. The chunk of cornbread acted as a sponge, sucking up all the lively material held within the plate, absorbing it and carrying all the way into his mouth, just like a hawk catches a fish from a river and carries it far away to a certain death. His father and brother eventually left the kitchen, but still he sat there, hypnotized just like a cobra controlled by the melody of a flute. His glowing eyes were fixed on the guns in the catalogue. Those guns, so threatening and yet so beautiful. All the manliness these contained was unbelievable their crafted barrels were just like the strong bulging bicep a real man has, and their chamber just like a six pack, contained the six bullets one day would pierce a woman\u2019s heart. Their elegant triggers were finally the mature charm a man has, the ingenious character that puts all its other attributes to work by firing them. All the manliness they possessed was the one Dave dreamed of having, if he could only muster the courage to present his case to his mother. Lawd, ef Ah only had tha pretty one! He would polish it and it would glisten under the white paleness of the moonlight, just sitting there, like a creature lurking in the dark, beautiful and mysterious at a distance, but life threatening nearby. He just wanted to feel that weight in his hands. If he had a gun in his hands, he would cherish it, just like a mother bird cherishes and nourishes her own little birds until they are strong and good to fly. Those handsome, charming guns would have to be kept loaded all the time, and having one of these would bring to him all they possessed, and all he wanted: manliness.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27447911","body":"What a great opening sentence, Mariangel,
\n
\nRather foreboding. You have used some vivid and evocative anthropomorphic imagery to bring this story alive, and this is not easy. I am very impressed. We also get a rather sympathetic understanding of Dave's psyche here.
\n
\nGreat work,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285256581","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27474157","body":"The imagery placed in this scene is very strong and effective. Mariangel\u2019s use of imagery invites us into the story and makes us feel part of the story and of the character. She presents every feeling from smell to feeling and from feeling to sight. Her use of metaphors and similes give us a clear picture of what is going on at the scene and what is going on in the character\u2019s mind. For example at the beginning when she says, \u201cThe pale, empty plate was now filled with color and life, just as if a corpse had risen from the dead. The molasses and its interesting texture injected life to the plate; it made it resuscitate\u201d We can imagine the brown, thick heavy molasses coloring the white plate and the corn bread soaking it all up. It even makes your mouth water your mouth to think abut it which shows how effective the use imagery truly is. Her use of imagery was also very effective because she used a metaphor for the gun that embraced the whole point of the story. She compared the gun to the body of a man. Dave wants to buy the gun because he feels that the gun will give him that power and manliness. The fact that she gave the gun that power and character which Dave is trying to achieve was so interesting because it gave you the whole point of the gun in a metaphor. I specifically liked a simile which she gave to us which was, \u201cHe would polish it and it would glisten under the white paleness of the moonlight, just sitting there, like a creature lurking in the dark, beautiful and mysterious at a distance, but life threatening nearby.\u201d One can imagine the shiny gun and the simile is so great because she uses a great object to compare it to. She uses an animal which like a gun, is beautiful and intriguing but if you are on the wrong side of the gun or the animal, it is also dangerous. The imagery also was used to give such insight into Dave\u2019s sociological reasoning for having the gun. After reading this, we start to believe that maybe Dave just wanted that sense of independence he had never gained at home. She used imagery in a very effective way which made a simple scene so intriguing and to captivating to read.","dateCreated":"1285286306","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Jenny-37715","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Jenny-37715","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1282875040\/Jenny-37715-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27503947","body":"Great Jennifer,
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285340268","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27423337","dateCreated":"1285206271","smartDate":"Sep 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Jenny-37715","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Jenny-37715","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1282875040\/Jenny-37715-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27423337"},"dateDigested":1531973895,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Imagery \"The Man WHo Was Almost A Man\"","description":"The moon painted the night with a bright light while he ran almost all the way to the edge of the woods that welcomed him to the place where he had become a man. His eyes were like microscopes carefully looking at each en every patch of the great quilt of dirt in the forest. Yeah, here it is. Like a hungry dog scratching for a bone, he pawed it up. The touch of the cold metal against his hands, which were soiled with mud and blotches of red blood from tiny cuts the ground had scratched on his skin, felt like a volcano which erupted power and made him feel warmth inside. He puffed his black cheeks and blew dirt form the trigger and barrel. He stood there admiring the perfectness of the gun which combined a long barrel and a heavy handle that supplied a manly personality to the object. He broke it and found four cartridges unshot. He looked around; the fields and the night were filled with a deadly silence as if they were mutely waiting for the thundering shot of the gun. The moon shone like a spotlight illuminating the forest in which he would perform the perfect show. He clutched the gun stiff and hard in his anxious fingers. As soon as he wanted to pull the trigger, a cold feeling crept its way into his body slowly clouded the fearlessness and power of his volcano. He closed his eyes and turned his head. Naw, An can\u2019t shoot wid mah eyes closed n mah head turned. With effort he held his dark eyes wide open; then he let his finger curl itself around the trigger and gently squeezed. Bloom! For a second he was stiff and the shot seemed to have taken al the air out his lungs. He could hear the eco of the shot make its way threw the fields until it finally disappeared into the silence of the night. His hands still held the gun tightly as if it were the only way to save him from fear. Dammit, he\u2019d done it! He fired again. Bloom! Each shot felt like a stitch to the wounds the humiliating laughs of the men had ripped inside of him. He smiled widely into the night and fired again with confidence. Bloom! Blooom! Click, Click. There! It was empty. If anybody could shoot a gun he could. He put the gun into his hip pocket and started across the night whose light had dimmed and had been overshadowed by the white blanket of fog.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27447653","body":"Great Jennifer,
\n
\nThis is very well-structured imagery writing, especially when considering your ability to move the plot along well.
\n
\nGood work,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285256315","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27483321","body":"This is a great example of a text using imagery; I really liked the personification used at the beginning, as well as the description of the little hide out where he shot Jenny \u201cthe edge of the woods that welcomed him to the place where he had become a man\u201d, it is a unique way to describe this place, one I had never thought of, it also helps the reader understand how important this \u201chide out\u201d actually was for Dave. She used imagery very creatively, using everyday life things, such as the microscope and the dog. I like that it is easy to identify which event in the story she is describing yet she manages to portray a different image of what actually went on without guiding herself out of the storyline. After reading this I got a better sense of what Dave was actually feeling, his anger and his rage towards the people that laughed at him. \u201cEach shot felt like a stitch to the wounds the humiliating laughs of the men had ripped inside of him.\u201d She clearly knows how to use imagery correctly, and knows how to blend it in smoothly with the plot. I liked that she used all types of imagery, which make it feel even more realistic, and it even makes the reader feel as part of the story.","dateCreated":"1285295799","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cristinarojas1","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cristinarojas1","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"27508363","body":"Great Christina,
\n
\nThanks,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285344259","smartDate":"Sep 24, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"27416711","dateCreated":"1285199188","smartDate":"Sep 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"gmurphy3","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/gmurphy3","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/davidgarethw-books-b.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/27416711"},"dateDigested":1531973895,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"The Man Who Was Almost A Man","description":"The Man Who Was Almost A Man, Pg 1117
\n
\n As Dave was walking down to the woods with Jenny that morning, he was filled with such excitement that he could hardly stand it. The early morning sun beamed down on the fields, lighting them up with a soft yellow glow. When the woods came into view, Dave\u2019s heart leapt with exhilaration. Just the thought of owning a gun as fine as his enraptured him. The feeling took over his body and he wanted nothing more than to shoot his gun. This was perfect, down here by the woods he was completely out of earshot and no one would hear him. His heart started beating faster than hummingbird wings and the blazing sun was making him sweat. He could feel the weight of the gun tied to his thigh. It bounced along as he walked, making him think about it even more. After what seemed like hours, he finally reached the woods. The trees towered over him and cast a dark shadow blocking out the sun. Dave had such an urge to fire his gun, but he knew he had to plow the land, so he temporarily ignored it. Dave could have done the worst plowing job Mr. Hawkins had ever seen, but he wouldn\u2019t know it because all that was on his mind was the gun tied to his thigh. Come on Jenny, could you go any faster? The dusty gray mule slowly trudged along, completely oblivious to Dave\u2019s anxiousness. After Dave had plowed two rows, he couldn\u2019t take it anymore. He was going to shoot that gun. He reached down and slowly untied the gun. Just touching it sent a thrill through his veins. He felt more grown up than he ever had in his life, and his countenance showed it. Suddenly, the day seemed much sunnier and the beating of his heart sped up, partly from excitement and party from nervousness. As soon as he felt that tiny ounce of fear in his body, he knew he had to do it then and there. Jenny looked condescendingly at him with her big disapproving eyes, but he didn\u2019t care. He was going to shoot this gun, and he was going to do it now.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"27447481","body":"Great Grace,
\n
\nI like this, simple and clear, with a tight and focused sense of imagery. I especially like that you included the tactile sense, as well as the visual, in this writing.
\n
\nWell done,
\n
\nWebster","dateCreated":"1285256150","smartDate":"Sep 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"davidgarethw","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/davidgarethw","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}